Mom, the most important person in the world to our kids. At least as they are growing up. That means we as mothers have a big influence on their lives including their thought processes, self-esteem and perspective on things. With this in mind it’s important that we are aware of the effect we are having, and avoid wherever possible some of the unnecessary burdens we can lay on our kids that will only make their lives more difficult. Read on to find out more.
Expect them to make you happy
This is a tough one, for many women having kids is a huge part of their life and even the main purpose for being. However, that does not mean that we can allow our entire identity to revolve around being a mother, and therefore defer our own happiness, expecting our children to make up for this later on.
We have responsibility for our own emotional well-being, and our children’s lives are not ours to manage and control for our own ends. We cannot expect them to fulfill our dreams vicariously. In fact, it is much more constructive to encourage them to know their own mind, stand up for themselves and what they believe is right for them. Good parenting involves ensuring that our children are their own people and that they don’t make their choices dependent on pleasing others, but for their own reasons.
Expect them to look after you in your old age
Whether you believe the burden of your care should be placed on your children as you get older can be a controversial issue. Different individuals and family groups have differing ideas on what the right thing to do is. However, it is important that you retain some responsibility here regarding deciding what you want to happen later in life. As its really not fair to expect your children to shoulder the burden of making very difficult, emotionally laden decisions as to where you will live and what medical care you will receive, with no guidance from you.
That is why it’s an excellent idea to look into elder care services now, and start to devise a plan for all eventualities. Then you have a say as to whether you stay in your own home or not, and the pressure of deciding this is lifted from your children.
Expect them to pay for things
The last burden we should avoid placing on our children is a financial one. It can be easy to justify that as we have sacrificed so much to give them the best start in life, that it’s only fair they pick up the tab in our later years.
However, this is something that cannot be relied upon and in fact can be a great weight on our kids. As it’s likely, they will have their own lives to live and things to pay for, without adding the additional burden of our upkeep and well-being to the mix. So to remove this burden ensure that you have planned for your own financial well-being in later life and you are not dependent on them to survive.